When one adult has elite status and the rest of the family doesn’t, it’s almost inevitable to encounter the scenario where the family ends up traveling in different cabins. But how should it be handled?

The Scenario

Believe it or not, I’ve come across this scenario now five times in the past year. This typically happens when I travel for work or volunteering, where my ticket is purchased separately from the rest of the family.

This can also happen when you use free companion tickets that allow for direct booking into first class, such as the companion tickets that come with the Delta Reserve credit card.

Make Yourself Eligible

Generally speaking, airline loyalty programs only allow the elite member and one guest to be upgraded to first class. If you’re planning to fly more than two people, you may be required to book your party in two separate reservations if you want to be eligible for upgrades. Note that doing this may make things a little more problematic during IROPS, as you may get stuck on different flights if something happens to your originally scheduled flight. The risk is generally small but it is non-zero, so I feel it necessary to call out.

That all said, there’s no chance to play the upgrade game if you don’t make yourself eligible. Why not take the upgrade you “earned”?

Offer Up The Seat

My rule of thumb is to always offer up the seat to whichever adult I’m traveling with. Chances are your companion flies up front less, so offering it certainly counts as a nice gesture. Sometimes being on a flight with younger children can be exhausting, especially for the person tasked with taking care of them. So this is a multi-layered gift, allowing the adult some independence to tend to their own needs.

Plus, they can’t get mad at you if they decline. Hey, you tried to make their life easier and they said no. That should count for something.

Does the airline care if you switched seats with someone else? I would say I’ve generally had no issue with doing this. If you have any apprehension, just mention to the flight crew on the flight you’re going to switch with your companion as a way to thank them for being super.

Let The Kids Decide

If neither adult feels eager to take the upgrade, I find it’s fun to let the kids decide who they get to hang out with on the flight. Aside from being a popularity contest, the kids tend to complain less when they have a say on who they want to fly with. I’ve found our kids were upset when they were surprised we weren’t all sitting together. Setting expectations is important for our kids and getting buy in from them is better when they have a say.

What do we tell the kids? That the airline forced us apart. For those of you with anxiety over lying to your kids, know that it’s not a lie. After all, you were all going to be seated together if the upgrade didn’t happen. Of course that assumes you booked everyone to sit near each other, right?

Also, when you have two seats up front and two in back, I would just spend the time asking the kids which adult they want to sit with, not the cabin they’re going to be in. Most of the extra luxuries associated with first class aren’t going to be fully used by the kids. They care more about who they’re flying with, not where they are sitting.

Don’t Give Them The Worst Seats

I find there is a better chance of avoiding displeasure if everyone is at least traveling in the extra legroom cabin. Domestically, that also tends to come with better snacks, which the kids enjoy. It may also come with free alcohol, but I won’t tell you to do that to escape the rigors of being a parent.

Having more space to stretch out is generally a good thing for the kids, since we do bring their own entertainment for the flight. Even on planes that have monitors at each seat, there is a chance the monitor isn’t functioning or the entertainment options aren’t great. Plus it helps not hearing complaints when cabin crew make announcements, pausing in-flight videos.

Go Back To Check On Them, If Needed

Sometimes the breakup can be hard on the kids, especially for those too young to understand reasoning. In those cases, it might be necessary to check in on the kids.

Remember the tranquility of the first class cabin, if there truly is one, shouldn’t be interrupted by people going up from economy to first class to hang out in the aisle. That’s generally frowned upon and likely you’ll be forced to separate. Instead the better approach is for the person in first class to go back to economy to say hi.

I wouldn’t bring back snacks or anything distributed in first class. Doing that may cause a scene. Besides, just seeing you is generally going to be enough to calm nerves.

That all being said, the problem with coming back to say hi is the kids might not want you to leave. So really, this is a judgment call—you know your own kids well enough to know if seeing them mid-flight is worth the pain of separation.

Focus on the Positives But No Embellishment

When you get off the plane, you might feel refreshed but your companion who just spent all that time watching the kids might not agree. Don’t tell them it wasn’t good—if the time spent in first class was perceived as a poor experience, that might make the companion think the effort was a complete waste. That doesn’t develop positive emotions all around. Plus, a suspicious companion might think you’re hiding something.

I find it’s better to just be factual. There is a difference between first class and economy. Airlines put some level of differentiation in their products. So, yes, do say it was an enjoyable flight but don’t say it was the best thing to ever happen to you. Now isn’t the time to rub it in.

I Wouldn’t Do This On Lengthy International Flights

You’re asking to be punched by your companion when landing. ‘Nuff said.

Have you flown in separate cabins on a flight?